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Is vulnerability a form of weakness?

Is vulnerability a form of weakness?

Why it is important to be authentic during the process of self development.

Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, accountability and authenticity

Brene Brown

When it comes to bearing our inner selves, warts and all, it’s such a difficult aspect to even think about doing, however, when it does happen the break through is immense and liberating as everything to do with self development, it is not an overnight transformation. However how do you go about taking the steps towards opening up and revealing yourself as you are.

In my experience, vulnerability did not come easy, its taken me 37 years to realize that I didn’t know who I was, I needed to tackle some difficult personal that were embedded in my psyche. It’s been a progressive experience as I had to peel away all the layers that had protected or I guess hindered me to finding my true self. My self confidence issue has always been a battle as I never believed in myself and thought  I was worthy of achieving what I would deep down want to achieve. In the end I realize I was my own hurdle, my own obstacle and I self sabotaged. 

As much as I gave people good advice or  a shoulder to cry on, I never was comfortable bearing my inner fears and anxieties to my close friends and family. Not because I didn’t want to, because growing up, it wasn’t something that we ever discussed. There was never a time I would sit down with my mum to talk about what was going on in my life, my experiences during my teenage years even though i knew my parents loved me, we just never had the deep level conversations so I just grew up with a tough but philosophical outlook to issues.  I didn’t realize I was  closed emotionally and it took me having my son to realize that I had to change. My son is  sensitive and emotional and I was not sure how to deal with it at first and I slowly learnt that I needed to change, small steps there were, I still had a long way to go. 

When you’re emotionally closed, you learn to be a brilliant actor/actress as you’re able to skim over life experiences and block the emotion that comes with it. The last few months, I had to reevaluate and become vulnerable and honest with myself, I am embarking on a project that brings me financial and social freedom  because I was scared of failure, and connecting with people I sat on this idea for such a long time until a very good friend of mine sat me down and we had a long chat. I began taking steps to improving my confidence, telling myself that I am worthy of going for my dream and succeeding. Now I perform  daily rituals of

  • gratitude – being grateful for what I have and knowing the endless possibilities around us.
  • being present – being present in the moment fully, be it with family, friends or on my own.
  • having authentic conversations with my family and friends – talking about my emotions or issues that arise rather than trying to tackle things on my own. 

What are the steps you took to become more vulnerable? Is this something you had to learn in your adult life? What have you gained from showing your vulnerability. I would love to hear from you and learn, as I said in my earlier paragraphs, it’s not an overnight transformation, I am still work in progress and enjoying the journey, realizing it’s better to be real than perfect. 

Until next time……………………..

Forgiving your ex after a break up – relationship tips

Forgiving your ex after a break up – relationship tips

Relationships are as complex as trying to figure out what happens when our souls depart this earth, however as human beings we yearn to love and be loved, sharing memories and wonderful experiences.

You often hear people exclaim that ”Love hurts”, I disagree, Love does not hurt, it is pure and peaceful, we use the term ”love” synonymous  to ”relationship”. Usually when a relationship turns sour, a lot of emotions run rampant and couples suffer and respond to this differently. My question is, ”how do you recover from a break up with some or all of your senses still intact?”, lets be honest there are things some people have done to their exes to express their hurt, some quite funny, others not so good. I’ve heard of a guy who decided to take all his girlfriend’s earrings backs just to annoy her and that was after a break up. That i think is hilarious however some have scratched their exes cars because they found out they’d cheated. It might make you feel good albeit for a short time but when the short lived satisfaction is over the hurt is still there. That’s the same as drinking to drown your sorrows, that is a temporary relief but when you wake up tomorrow the pain and emotions around that issue are still there, together with a banging headache.

We need to focus on how we can recover from the breakup ensuring we have emotional health and most of our dignity, yes i’ve said it, we need to have dignity. From a personal point of view, I have experienced being the one that ended a relationship and also the one that was left heartbroken and in both instances I found the following steps helped me ride the emotional wave whilst at the same time giving me clarity and hope that there will be light at the end of the tunnel. These steps might not help everyone however there are some who might resonate with this.

  • Forgiveness – forgiving the action and forgiving your ex. I  feel that was a great step personally for me following the break up. A lot of times people focus on the hurt they’re going through and in turn harbour a lot of resentment which creates a negative mindset.
  • Negativity does not help moving on. We attract like for like so you can imagine if you have negative intentions you will attract a lot of negativity towards you. Hence you hear people exclaiming how they seem to attract the same type of person. I have come to discover that after a break up you need to ”detox” yourself of anything to do with the person you’re with.
  • Finding yourself- rediscover who you are as an individual, the best way to move on is to find happiness within yourself. We do not need to find a partner to bring happiness. A partner should be someone you have to share the happiness you already have. Find out what you love doing, a new hobby, go out with friends, socialize with the people that care about you and take steps towards your happiness by being happy on your own.
  • Most importantly, Love yourself, love who you are as a person, flaws and all. If you cannot love yourself, how do you expect to love someone else? How do you expect to share any love and be loved too.

When you feel complete within yourself, only then are you able to attract the right person in your life. Life is a lesson in itself so accepting that someone can come into your life for a season to teach some life lessons is a great way to overcome resentment and hate. You will always look back and accept once you have identified what they came to do in your life.

Do you have any steps you’ve taken to overcome a relationship break up? If so what was it? Were they healthy steps? Or are there steps you might want to review and change?

Until next time…………………………..

 

 

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